apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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