Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize