So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
