Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
