Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
