it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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