so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
