Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
