Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm bleeding and have questions
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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