What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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