I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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