I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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