I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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