Im at strip club and am horny
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
