Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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