Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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