i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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