so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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