I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
