The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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