; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
