That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
