I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
