She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
