We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
