I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
