the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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