I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Farmville is her only friend.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
