soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
