Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
