Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
time to smoke my breakfast
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
