Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
