I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
