there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
