no, he came in my armpit
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
