i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
