i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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