i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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