so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
