never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
