She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
