Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
