My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
