i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
