There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When are your genitals available?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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