So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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