The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
