I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
