just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
