Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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