Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize