I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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