the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There r osticjed everywhere
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
