I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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