Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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