After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
