i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize