so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize