I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she smelled like a LAN party
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Even my vagina gasped.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
