Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
