Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude i'm inner monologue high
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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