guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize