Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
