You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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