So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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