Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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