Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
