I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
