She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize