I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
