I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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