A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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