Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
