Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize