How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
