i just had sex bonerless
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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