We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
