Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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