We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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