I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
