I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize