dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
