I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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