You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
