every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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