You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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