Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is the high leading the old right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just pee around me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize