good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize