yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
