Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
