girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
