Midget sex pt 2 tonight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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