TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
