I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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