um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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