You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
