Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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