My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
