in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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