She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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