you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize