Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
