i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
