I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You can't special order awesome
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
