he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
