Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
