I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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