if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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