So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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