I wish you could order shots online.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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