it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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