I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
