I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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